"When she knows stuff's going on and there's noise and stuff out here...it's like a little beacon. She's like, 'Oh, people are up. I must need to be up, too.'"
-Alyssa (Bates) Webster
Life with a toddler and a new baby is difficult, especially when your toddler doesn't like to sleep. In this extended Bates scene from Thursday's episode, Alyssa shares the struggles she faces on a nightly basis when putting her girls down.
Photo/video courtesy of UP
Your children don't control you. Set rules and stick to them.
ReplyDeleteYep, no question, parenting is hard work- All you can do is hang on to your hat and enjoy the ride! (Even though all you may want to do is lay down and take a nap.) This young couple has only just begun!
ReplyDeleteSeriously your kids do not control you you're the one in control.
ReplyDeleteFamous last words.
DeleteI've seen the product of a young couple who followed the advice of On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep co-authored by a pediatrician. They have 4 boys under 8, with no bedtime struggles. I know a number of other people who also use the book. Maybe this could help.
ReplyDeleteI love Babywise! It has helped me so much. For older kids though I think the TV series of Super Nanny (also on youtube) might help with these type of situations. She has a bedtime routine for just exactly when the kids are coming out of their rooms like this. I was surprised nobody has mentioned it. Her kid solutions are really good.
DeleteWhy isn't Allie still in a crib ? Don't let her stay up ! Put her to bed shut the door !
ReplyDeleteThese mega families seem to lack one thing that evidently started with the first generation of this type of thinking....any REAL daily schedule for children. Despite their jurisdiction charts, these kids AND PARENTS don't get up at set times like for school and work, so that right there sets a bad pattern. A set bedtime, school time, and meal time is beneficial for a family, especially children. Alyssa needs to take the reins of her family now or it will just get worse. They also seem to travel, 'fellowship' without regard for a child's nap time, etc. Not very smart IMO.
ReplyDeleteWhile it is true that children who stay at home don't always have set times for everything, daycares and public schools are bad influences more than not having a steady schedule.Children who are homeschooled do have a life and if done right they thrive well. It's better than going to school and having to put up with all the junk that goes on in school.
DeleteUnknown- "All the junk" in public schools? Please don't make such broad and unsubstantiated claims. It's as bad as saying homeschooling is ineffective. My kids did great in public school and are successful adults.
DeleteThere is a lot of junk in schools, I don't know how you can get around that. It's not without problems. Your children did well,I am sure, and so do a lot of kids, but there is a lot of damaging things out there. You can't get around that.
DeleteI was broad in my statement because I didn't want to go into specifics.
Delete7:32 There are children who go to public schools and live successive lives, but not everyone does. There are a lot of kids who don't.Your kids might have gone to a school where there wasn't a lot of problems, but the vast majority do. Kids might grow up right, but they see and here a lot that they didn't have to.
DeleteUnknown- I was a public school teacher for over 35 years before retirement. Your broad generalizations about public education are uninformed and unfair. Public schools are charged with the daunting task of educating everyone- ELL, special education, gifted, the disadvantaged, and everyone in between. Yes, there are schools with problems, just as there are also problems with some homeschooling environments. It is divisive rhetoric such as yours that is helping to fuel the war on public education. We are not the enemy.
DeleteI was really focusing on the bad behavior that goes on in school. There is bullying (so cliche) and all the moral issues that go on. It is best for children to not be exposed to all that.Of course they will be exposed to all that when they grow up and they will have to deal with it, but children are at such delicate years that it is important to teach and train them at home with godly influence as much as possible(of course that is if you have a strong Christian home, if not then it's a little difficult to do that.) Many say that you can teach and train kids well even if they go to public school and that it makes them strong to deal with the moral challenges that goes on in school. That may be, but that is not what childhood is all about learning to deal with challenges. If you have a good godly home where you are loved and taught by godly parents , I believe it is the best place. You may not agree , but that is what I believe. I apologize for not give g credit to public school teachers. A lot are hardworking and they have such a big job to do. A lot of teachers love their students and want the best for them. My mother homeschools all 6 of my brothers and sisters and she has a lot of respect for public teachers. I know I must have come off strong to you in my comments. I often do that:) I just believe that because of the moral issues that go on in schools, it is best to homeschool them if you have a good home.
DeleteWell, wait till you have 19...
ReplyDeleteI know of many couples who have difficulties with their children at bedtime and they are not large families or IBLP followers. John and Alyssa are young parents and they are learning how to parent, just like the rest of us did.
ReplyDeleteOur oldest was a perpetual getter-upper, and it wasn't because we "let" him. Every time he got up he was spanked, and that still didn't deter him from turning around and doing it again. He was one stubborn little kid. Having a strong-willed child is very, very challenging, requires a lot of persistence and consistency, and can really wear you out. If you haven't been there, please don't judge or try to give advice.
ReplyDeleteWow... So hitting your kid never worked but you kept doing it every time? I feel sorry for your kids that you couldn't figure out violence is never the answer.
DeleteSpanking a child is not violence. Hitting a child in anger and for no reason is violence.My little sister was terrible at a young age, but my parents kept disciplining her faithfully and she eventually stopped her bad behavior.Some children are just really stubborn and sometimes it takes a really long time for the message to reach their brains.
DeleteThere is never "a reason" to hit a child. Stop the excuses. Spanking is hitting, hitting is violence. I wish your sister had been shown that hands should be used only for showing love (and no, spanking is not showing love by disciplining). I'm shocked by how many people do things to their own kids that would get them arrested if they did them to anyone else on the planet. Love your kids without violence!
DeleteIs loving your child alowing them to throw fits and scream and throw tantrums.Proverbs tells us "Foolishesness is bound up in the heart of the child , but the rod of discipline will remove it far from him".My parents love my sister so much that they were not willing to allow here to grow up throwing fits just because she didn't get her way. Some children are so stubborn that it takes some temporary pain for the message to reach their brains. You can say it all you want, but there is such a thing as spanking out of love. You don't enjoy it, but You are doing it for their own good so that they don't grow up thinking that throwing bad fits is ok. Now, sometimes some children don't need a lot of spanking , but there are some who are really stubborn and need stronger measures of discipline for the message to reach their brains.Violence is hitting your child out of anger, or for no reason. Love is not allowing your child to grow up thinking that bad behavior is ok. And to let you know, my sister is a very loving , spunky, smart little girl who never throws fits anymore and she is not traumatised or bitter in the least.Hitting is violence depending on the reason behind it.If anger and pleasure is behind it , then yes it is. If love and the child's well being is behind it , then no, it is not violence.
DeleteAnon 9:12, you should watch on YouTube "Is spanking your child biblical?".
DeleteI've done lots of research on whether spanking is biblical, but thank you anyway. Not to speak for God, but here is how imagine the conversations will go between people who hit their kids and God, eventually.
DeleteGod: Why were violent toward your kids?
Violent parents: You put it in Proverbs remember, God?
God: Why were you following the words of that maniac Solomon instead of your Lord Jesus? Did you stop reading before you got to the part where I clearly explained the very negative effect that violence at the hands of his father Solomon had on poor Rehoboam?
Violence is never the answer. Please stop hitting your kids, the world will be a better place. Educate yourselves on how to parent "stubborn kids" without violence.
Solomon was a maniac? Wow. That's pretty strong. Remember that God gave Solomon wisdom? Also, why would God allow a maniac to write His holy word? Every word in the bible is inspired by God, it is His holy word. He would not let a maniac write the bible. John Piper says that parents who feel squeamish about spanking have a wrong view of God. In Hebrews it says all discipline seems painful for the moment but it is necessary that we may share His holiness.God brings pain in our lives for a reason. For adults it's all the trials we have to bear. The pain that comes from these trials is far worse than a quick spanking. God brings pain in our lives, period. It's in Hebrews 12.Do we say God is abusing us by allowing us to go through painful things? The pain we adults go through is far more painful and lasting than a quick spanking.I believe in spanking children for discipline. Of course there are other methods that also should be used, not just spanking. If a child has been repeatedly warned and does not listen, he deserves a spanking. AND I DON'T MEAN SPANKING THAT LEAVES BRUISES.
DeleteOf course there is a limit on how hard or long to spank, but a mild spank is not abuse. John Piper also says that you don't damage a child or break his arm,children have fat little bottoms and can get spanked.
Alyssa did say at the beginning of the video that normally Allie Jane has no trouble going to bed. This night is probably because the film crew is there, and she is like any typical kid, and doesn't want to "miss out on the fun".
ReplyDeleteOh, my! Give Alyssa a break! She has been at work and is now home alone with two young babes who are a little unsettled with a camera crew around, probably making strange noises. This is a TINY clip of her life as a mom, and no one should judge her parenting, especially from one minute of information. The other Bates girls who are moms often show their kids in bed with them, and no comments are made about them not sleeping in their own cribs or beds. Love your babies, Alyssa! And do the best you can! :)
ReplyDeleteIt might take a little self denial to hear some crying for a couple of nights but she needs to know who's in control and it's not her! Put her to bed, explain to her she can't come walking out and shut the door (with a latch on the outside so she can't get out). Check on her every once awhile to make sure she's ok. Yes I know it's terribly hard on a mama to hear them cry and cry but I had an issue with my little baby waking up in the night every little bit and wanting to eat mindlessly and play. I used this method and had to hear crying for a couple of nights. Stress on me! But I stuck with it. I didn't budge. And by the 3rd or 4th night she was sleeping all night!!! Never woke up once ever again!!!! Don't know if this will work on a child as old as Allie but you could give it a try. It's important tho to let them know that they are loved but can't get by like this and to check on them often hopefully without them knowing you're checking on them else you'll have to go through the verbal process over again.
ReplyDeleteThat is the strangest thing I've ever heard of! To lock your child in and ignore them when they are at an age where parents are needed the most? If I had a nightmare as a child and couldn't get to my mom because she "locked" me out I would be terrified! And to have fear and realize you were all alone when you needed a loving hug or such the most would be awful! I cannot believe anyone would do such a thing... Unnecessary trams, if you ask me.
DeleteSo your child never got up in the night again? Gee, maybe that locked door had something to do with it. I cannot imagine the terror I would have felt if my folks had done something like that to me at any age.
DeleteLocking a child in their room is just horrible. I have a child and I have never done that! You must be crazy if you actually do that.
DeleteIt's horrible to hit a child in anger and that is not what Anon 4:01 was doing.Locking a child in a room so they can't get out is not traumatizing. It's not crazy to lock a door on a child when you are trying to train them to do as they are told. Notice she said you can check on your child to make sure she is ok.That doesn't sound like abuse to me.
DeleteI love Alyssa's patience. There is no one "perfect" way to raise a child. I am sure if Alyssa is struggling she will seek out help. She is a pretty intelligent mom. It would be a different scenario if Alyssa had a day job. However, she doesn't so this short nocturnal phase will pass and none shall be the worse for it.
ReplyDeleteI don`t get the problem some comenters seem to have. Every family does things differently and I haven't heard of one where the children didn't sleep trough the night at one point- no matter how the parents dealt with it. Everyone is entitled to raise their children how they seem fit (apart from obvious abuse). Maybe some should go back an remeber how "nice" it was to get unasked advice and critics from strangers when they became parents.
ReplyDeleteOk, I'll admit my husband and I were weak-kneed parents when it came to toddler nighttime struggles. We let both our kids sleep with us on those nights when slumber was elusive for them. (Exhaustion has a way of dissolving the best of intentions.) Much to our surprise, we didn't inflict any long term damage. They grew up to be kind, thoughtful, responsible, and contented adults. They tell us that they've always felt secure, loved and cherished. Isn't that what we all want for our children? As a parent, you have to choose your battles very carefully.
ReplyDeleteWhat's so wrong if they chose to deal with a sleeping issue so THEY could sleep all night? Maybe they want to pick that as their "battle" if sleep is a priority to them!!? When I had little children I was always so exhausted that we said "it's enough" ,meant it, and changed our lives. They learned to sleep through the night pretty fast enough. Children feel fulfilled when their are boundaries put into place. On another note, like one poster said, Allie probably couldn't go to sleep when the camera men were there that evening. I know I couldn't if that much excitement was going on!
DeleteI am actually shocked by the suggested parenting. Spanking toddlers when they wake up? Locking them in there room an let them cry. You can train kids like dogs. BuT you donto have to
ReplyDeleteParent the way you feel you need to, each situation is different, eachbsitiatiin that is the same may have a different solution, I have a 15 year old who is a night owl, we have bedtimes during the school year butbdosnt mean she is asleep just means she is in bed, lol, THIS is the same child that gave up 2 naps a day by 4/5 months and 1 nap a day by 1 yr....let me tell you I was not happy....lol...but each child is an individual and each individual is different....no two children are alike, do what you feel is right given each situation Alyssa!! You are doing great!!
ReplyDeleteEveryone's an expert huh? How about we all agree to disagree. Every child, every family, every situation is different. Sometimes a little less counsel and a little more understanding is needed. Alyssa is doing what she feels is right and her kids are fine and healthy. We are not here to judge, and if we are we should look to ourselves before we look at others.
ReplyDeleteAlyssa Be Kind I,m Praying For You All I Love Bringing Up
ReplyDeleteBates Ok
I would never lock my children in their room. BUT I did spankings when they disobeyed and came out of their room when they were told to stay in bed (after reading bedtime stories,saying prayers with them, and hugging and kissing goodnight). Our children know they need to obey and not obeying = a spanking. When my older daughter started getting out of bed repeatedly we made a chart. Each night she stayed in bed she got a smiley sticker and 5 smiley stickers earned a special treat. But getting out of bed earned a good spanking. It worked !
ReplyDelete