"I think you will be shocked. You've been living in a room with your sisters for 20 years. It's great. It's like college life all your life. But then you move in with your husband. It's so quiet! It's a big change."
-Erin (Bates) Paine
This week on Bringing Up Bates, the Bates women and girls host a bachelorette beach getaway for Tori. The bride-to-be is eager to walk down the aisle, but her older sisters remind her that there are many adjustments that come along with marriage.
Photo/video courtesy of UP
Time 9:30PM
ReplyDeleteGold thing her sisters are throwing a all girls party. Marriage isn't easy but listen to each other's problems & Help each other out.
Is the Duggar Family Blog site down?
ReplyDeleteIt's true that marriage is not easy. You never really know someone until you've lived and worked with them daily. Smashed out your problems and supported each other for better or worse. That's why it often worries me about these young girls (with not much life and/or relationship experience) getting togther, courtships and marriage all during a very short time frame. I have watched a lot of the clips of Tori and feel like she is immature in a lot of ways. I don't mean that in a nasty way but I feel like she's been shown to be exactly what she is, naive and a bit silly.
ReplyDeleteTori and Bobby were together for a long time. They didn’t have a quick courtship and marriage. I think Tori just didn’t do well with all the attention on her. I met her in person, and she was very kind and talkative and friendly. I think she was just embarrassed to be the focus. She didn’t act like herself at all.
DeleteMarriage isn't easy but I feel like the couples from these families who try to keep the physical part for after marriage (like it's supposed to be) actually know one another better than those who go the world's dating/live together route. They actually talk to one another and discuss important matters instead of focusing on the physical. Marriage is work. Becoming each other's best friend beforehand will allow you to weather the tough times.
ReplyDeleteI agree! Thanks for your thoughts here, so true! Remaining pure in a relationship before marriage will always get a person further ahead in life in all aspects when you really think about it. Physically, EMOTIONALLY, spiritually, financially, etc. And too, when a couple is arguing, that argument is cannot be there about who ignitiated when they fell intimately with each other, who the spouse slept around with other people and so on and so on. The wedding night is so so special when we save it for then. I know because that was our experience! It wasn't a "oh well, been there done that before" mediocre experience.
DeleteSurprised Alyssa said “Survival of the fittest”! Is she talking about how other marriages don’t survive or that her marriage is about survival? John seems like an easy guy to live with—is Alyssa difficult? Hmmm. I would have said something a bit different if asked to give marriage advice. Maybe Alyssa is talking about “being a mother advice” because that really is survival of the fittest when you’re kids are little. It feels like survival sometimes.
ReplyDeleteShe accepted the first guy that came along way too quickly! She's probably regretting that, but has accepted her fate, and is just making it work now that that is her lot in life. She's making the best of it. She once said that people think the son of a senator has money, but they do not, that made me wonder if she thought she would be golden with a financial future marrying her guy, but later found out that not to be the case. She's making it work though, by cleaning places for extra cash.
DeleteI think she is just saying life is work and marriage is work. She isn’t unhappy with who she married, but she didn’t expect to have kids one after the other from her comments at other times. John comes home to watch the girls and she goes and cleans. It is hard when you aren’t seeing each other all the time. I do think she was mostly joking.... but also acknowledging that life is work.
DeleteAt least Alyssa is honest! So tired of the “I married my best friend” when they don’t really even know each other. Marriage is a lot of just plain hard work. Alyssa was 19 when she married. She’s probably realizing being a wife and a baby every year is it bit mundane day in and out.
DeleteI don't know, I considered my husband to be my best friend when we got married, even though we'd known each other about a year and a half (which is less than these couples typically know each other before getting married). I didn't know my husband that well at that point (I know him a lot better now after 16 years!), but that doesn't mean he couldn't be my best friend in the earlier stages.
DeleteI don't get the sense from Alyssa that she actually regrets marrying John. And as John owns that cleaning business I think they actually do spend a lot of time together.
DeleteHowever I wouldn't be surprised if she regrets having married him when she did, at age 19 with very little life experience. (She did go to Crown but I don't think she even completed a year there.)
Indeed Kelly Jo has posted on her blog to caution against couples rushing through the courtship process. I wonder if some of that is due to regret that she (and Gill) let Alyssa marry too young, or after too short of a courtship.