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Monday, June 11, 2018

Engagement Plans?

Alyssa Bates Webster

"Carlin, I hear you all are discussing wedding plans. Does that mean you're getting engaged?"
-Alyssa (Bates) Webster

This Thursday on another all-new episode of Bringing Up Bates, the Bates family gathers together to celebrate I Love You Day (aka Valentine's Day). Ahead of the celebration, the topic of engagement comes up during a conversation between Carlin Bates and Alyssa Webster (video below).



Photo/video courtesy of UP

49 comments:

  1. Anybody have any guesses on when the engagement will be?

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  2. Just be open about it. This is so childish

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  3. She wants to get married soon. Just like her sisthers so she can be part of them.

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  4. Oh Wow - can't wait to see the new show ! I really thought that we would see two engagements coming up but one will do ! I really want to see one of the boys courting !! How fun to meet someone new on the show ! Thursday is the best night of the week, & the best show ever !! Thanks

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  5. Alyssa and carlin are both beautiful

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  6. So they plan an engagement?

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  7. Time 10:15PM Mon 6/11
    Another wedding in the works for the Bates? Maybe.

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  8. This was back in February and we have not heard about any engagements yet and it is now June. I would say Carlin & Evan will get engaged in August with a November wedding, and Josie & Kelton will get engaged in October with a February wedding.
    Donna

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    1. I think this is promo is just that, and meant to draw in viewers for the next show. Much as the written promos for the last episode asked questions such as "will Kelton ask Josie to court". That was meant to draw in the casual show watcher who doesn't keep up with the family in "real time" the way we do on this blog.

      Obviously there has been no engagement announced in the 4 months since this clip was filmed. But not everyone who watches the show would know that, they don't all follow this blog or an official Bates website. I myself used to be such a casual viewer.

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    2. I thought the same thing too but Carlin and Evan kept quiet about their courtship before an announcement. Josie and Kelton, I think it was showed the permission to court and then an announcement was aired before UPTV showed this. I think the key is showing a guy asking for permission to marry the girl. We have not seen Evan or Kelton asked for permission yet. Once it's aired than an announcement would come out. That's what they did for Micheala and Tori. We saw Brandon and Bobby asked Gil on the show and then a couple of weeks later it became announced that they are in engaged.

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  9. Why do they all act so 'shocked'about an engagement? Isn't this the sole purpose of their courting rituals? It is SUPPOSED to lead to engagement. These girls act like 'girls' and not young women...therefore, they aren't equipped to marry anyone. Those poor guys are already committed in to a life long relationship after a 'get to know you' period. Unfortunately, they aren't about to get to know anyone because they never spend any time alone OR any GOOD, QUALITY time together for that to happen. They all have admitted, unknowingly, that they are finally able to 'relax' with one another AFTER the wedding. How is that already 'knowing' your fiance'? It isn't. None of this needs to include having marital relations before marriage, so I don't get it.

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    1. Anon at 446AM: You obviously disagree with the concept of chaperoned courtship, and I doubt I'll change your mind. But let's clarify some things.

      First of all: Courtships do NOT always end in marriage so guys are NOT actually committing to a lifelong relationship when they start one. Zach and Nathan can both attest to that.

      Second, how do we know they don't spend "good, quality time" together? The show doesn't film every single date the couples go on. Kelton pursued Josie for 3 years but we didn't even know he existed until last year, because he didn't appear on the show. And we didn't know about their past history until the Thanksgiving episode. So there's a lot going on the viewers don't even know about.

      So I'd hesitate to proclaim "they don't know each other well enough to marry" just based on what we see on the show.

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    2. It seems like their version of courtship isn't well understood, despite constant explanation. Their version of courtship is basically dating without the attitude many have today that dating is like shopping for a spouse. As 6:07 mentioned, we don't see all their moments so we don't know that they aren't spending good quality time together. Some of the best, most meaningful moments come at times when you least expect. Who says chatting on the front porch or tackling a big project together isn't "quality time?" 😊

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    3. 6:07- Yes, tbere’s a lot we don’t know or see. However, it is highly unlikely that any of these young couples spend any unchaperoned time together. It would be difficult to have honest and meaningful conversations with others always present and listening in. As far as ‘courtship’ goes, the term itself implies a marriage is in the works. Engagements seem to be just a brief formality. I would imagine that breaking off a courtship is almost as traumatic as breaking off an engagement.

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    4. Anon 6:07 Add me to the list of those who do not understand the concept of chaperoned courtship. How can a couple have any meaningful conversation with a bunch of kids hanging around, or even just one who might only be 6 or 8 years old. I'm remembering at Thanksgiving when Kelton and Evan tried to talk alone and one of the youngest boys was hanging around demanding to know what they were discussing. How does a couple discuss financial plans, employment plans, and even birth control or goals for their family size
      when they know that a chaperone is likely to go straight to Gil and Kelly to report everything said. Or perhaps the couple decide their own courtship rules can include a kiss now and then. You know that will be reported with potentially a result being a conversation between G & K and the couple about remaining pure of heart or something similar. And 10:42 yes, a conversation on the front porch can absolutely be meaningful but less likely to be so when a six year old is staring out the window.

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    5. You obviously don't understand, if you think the role of a chaperone is to spy on a couple and report all they do and say back to the parents. But not how Kelly Jo Bates herself has described it.

      She has written on her blog about her and Gil letting couples walk just far ahead enough of them that they can't hear their conversations, or driving a couple to a restaurant but sitting at a different table. She has actually acknowledged couples need to have private conversations. Chaperones are meant to be just close enough to hold couples "accountable" in terms of physical purity, they don't need to be constantly at their elbow for that.

      When Kelton "proposed" courtship to Josie the parents were sitting in a car just close enough to see them. If not for the whole "cameras showing them on TV" angle, they would not have known what was said.

      Some of the couples have also had excursions with "built in chaperones" such as Nathan and Ashley's carriage ride through Central Park. I seriously doubt the Bates expected the carriage driver to report anything back to them. Or to have the sisters who went on the "triple date" spy on each other.

      And this is just how the Bates do things, I know the Duggars are stricter. And the whole "being on reality TV" angle makes both families' versions of "courtship" very different than any other. Would the carriage ride or triple date happened if the TV crew wasn't there to chaperone as well? That I don't know.

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  10. I hope who ever gets engaged next will be mature enough to take charge of the logistics involved in planning and setting things up, with parents taking a minor role in the process, if any at all.

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    1. I have only seen two weddings aired and Kelly seems like the Mother that will plan everything. She actually likes this if you cannot tell. I think and I could be wrong you did not like Tori's attitude and that's okay. I am not sure what we will have with Carlin or Josie it could be the opposite of what people think. But I can promise you that Kelly will be involved heavily as she was in Micheala and Tori's planning. I would like to see one of the guys get married and see how she does without planning something?

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  11. Alyssa looks so tiny in this clip and Erin looks huge...crazy when you realize they had babies 2 days apart!!

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    1. That comment is incredibly rude and unnecessary.

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    2. But thats silly to say... you see only the top half of Alyssa and you see Erin all the way to her waist. Plus Alyssa isnr wearing layers while Erin is...

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    3. They've always had a different bone structure. Alyssa has always been tiny, while Erin looks like a blonde version of Kelly.

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    4. 19 are siblings, but (for the most part) have different body types. . . . Josie, Alyssa & so far Callie are very petite. Lawson is thin, Nathan has a broader shoulder frame. Grandparents play an important role, and of course parents Kelly Jo's mother is petite, her dad was a big man. . . Gil's parent very "average". I do not think that comment was rude at all - it was an observation at most. . . comparing two new moms.

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    5. Alyssa is in the Florida sun. She needs to be in shape.

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    6. @ 7:57am WOW..... 😳 Talking about being rude!!!!😒😒

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    7. 12:58, saying “Erin looks huge” was extremely rude.

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    8. I think many of us who were disturbed by the comment are also active on the Duggar blog, where many posters like to praise certain Duggars, but also like to denigrate others. Some go as far as to post something like "DuggarNumberX should take a page out of DuggarNumberY's book".

      Maybe this post was meant just as an observation and not as a way to praise Alyssa and slam Erin, but I can totally understand why it would be taken as an underhanded way to slip a post past the ban on "insulting or derogatory" comments.

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  12. I bet Carlin will get married this year, and Josie the next. I really don't understand what's the rush, though: they're only 19 and 20!

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    1. I think their young age is why Gil hasn't wanted it to happen quicker and reason Carlin isn't engaged yet. Kelton has waited 3yrs at Gil' request to start a relationship with Josie so I can understand they now can't wait for the next stage. Especially as Kelton is best friends with Bobby who is now married, he wants to be too.

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    2. Josie’s 18 and Carlin is 20.

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    3. I agree with you! People do so much growing and changing in their late teens and early 20s. My husband and I started dating when we were 15, but we're so glad that we waited to get married until we were older.

      I know the Bates tend to get married young, but I hope these girls know it's okay to take their time, too.

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    4. If you’re ready you’re ready, Josie and Kelton definitely seem mature enough to get married if they’re ready.

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  13. I have no clue how close Josie and Carlin are but I keep thinking it would be lovely that get married to their partners in a joint ceremony - unique and different to their siblings who have gone before them.

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    1. I dont think that’ll happen. For these girls, their wedding is the only day that they’re truly the center of attention and that they can make completely their own, I don’t think they’d want to share it with anyone.

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    2. That would be something but they are polar opposites. Carlin is out there and extrovert while Josie is more laid back and introvert. I think thats how their weddings would be like; Carlin & Evan more fanciful where as Josie & Kelton more romantical.

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  14. But Kelton and Josie SEEM more mature than Carlin & Evin. Like what does he do? Kelton seems to have a more stable situation going on & so does Josie. Poor guy has been in love with her for years. let em go first!

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    1. I hate that people take being an extrovert as being immature and a introvert as being mature. Carlin and Evan, and Josie and Kelton personalities are very different so I hope that we stop comparing them to each other. The one thing that I will say that I actually like about both of them is that they're not constantly saying, Marry me, after every second like Tori did to Bobby. That wasn't immature it was just annoying.

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  15. 11:38, it's not that we see being extroverted as being immature and introverted as being mature. The difference is their language, respect for their family, and the fact that both Kelton and Josie have jobs while we haven't heard about a solid career for either Carlin or Evan. (Not saying that they don't, we just haven't heard as much about them.) The fact that Kelton and Josie already, at their young ages, have jobs and have finished training/schooling shows a lot of maturity and I believe the original poster was noting this responsible behavior.

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    1. It's good that Josie and Kelton have jobs. But I could easily make a case that Josie's interest in cosmetology doesn't matter because she's obviously going to quit her job and become a SAHM once Baby # 1 arrives. Or that Kelton is working for his father's plumbing business, so that doesn't really count as having an independent income.

      After all that's what a lot of people who follow the Duggars say about the older boys as well as Ben Seewald, that they don't really have jobs and aren't / weren't ready to marry because "working for Jim Bob doesn't count". Why should Kelton be held to a lower standard than that?

      Or I could even boldly reject the worldly notion that someone has to be totally mature and independent of one's parents before marriage. After all the Bible states a man will leave his parents AND cleave to his wife, not "a man will leave his parents, THEN cleave to his wife".

      The Bates and Duggars do indeed seem to interpret this passage as meaning a child become independent at the exact point they marry, and should not leave his (or her) parents residence before marriage, no matter how old they get.

      Yes I am playing Devils Advocate somewhat, but I am getting distressed that on the Duggar site a lot of people are praising Duggars they like (mostly for being "more normal") and bashing Duggars they dislike, pitting siblings against each other and judging some as better or worse than others. I'd hate to see that happen here.

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    2. I would then reply that Josie may still pursue cosmetology as married Bates women have worked after marriage. Whitney and Alyssa work outside of the house while Michael sells sewed products online and Erin still creates albums. Josie has the flexibility to be a hairdresser in a home studio or continue to work outside of the house. The positive is that she developed a skill and is making an income to help her future family.

      Kelton went to college so that he has the financial skills (as well as the learned trade skills) to take over the business one day or start one of his own. There isn't anything wrong with a family business.
      The Duggars are secretive about what their sons and Ben even do. The Duggar boys were under supervision of another person (the family friend) when Counting On showed them doing yard work. By comparison, Lawson had a successful landscaping business at their age and did not need supervision. Viewers aren't holding Kelton to a lower standard, we actually know what he does and that he is a trained professional.
      I'm pretty sure that Kelton lives at home now. He did go to college out of state though. A husband should provide a house and be able to financially support their wife and future children at minimum. The married Duggar men seem to be given homes to live in at marriage. Jim Bob also gifted Josh the car lot. We don't know what Joe or Josiah do so can't really compare.

      You're now doing the same thing on this blog that is distressing you on the Duggar blog. I will say that education and transparency about jobs is what separate the Duggar and Bates families. That may be the fault of TLC but the Duggars could straighten this out at any time.

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    3. Anon at 5:14PM Again. Did you not see where I wrote I was playing Devil's Advocate? I was just trying to make a point that we don't know enough about the two couples to definitely declare that "Josie and Kelton are obviously more mature than Carlin and Evan", because there is a lot we don't know about them. The Bates may be more transparent than the Duggars but in the end we still only see what they want us to see. I mean, did anyone think when Kelton first showed up on TV that he'd been interested in Josie since she was 15?

      I will also say that I agree with the Anon who posted at 6/14/18 at 1047PM that "We will have to agree to disagree on the fact someone maturity is due to employment." Much as someone being married doesn't automatically make them more mature than an unmarried person the same age. A lot of immature people get married and have children who really aren't ready. Here's hoping all the Bates couples discern the timing of marriage well.

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    4. You still tried to tear down one couple for the benefit of another. I was simply giving my response to the case you made.
      Josie and Kelton are more financially stable than Carlin and Evan and that matters in terms of marriage and being ready to settle down and support a family. Having a chosen a career and life path does show maturity. However, I agree Carlin and Evan may also be ready for marriage.
      This is the first season we've really gotten to know Kelton. They didn't feature him because Gil had asked them to slow down and it wasn't a given that they would end up together. Plus, the age difference may have raised red flags from the network even if there was no physical aspect to their relationship.

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    5. Counting On waited to introduce Jeremy, Austin, Kendra, and Lauren. Austin had been around for years and Jeremy was in the episode featuring Spurgeon's baby shower. Kendra was in the background of episodes too. It wasn't until we heard the couples' love story that we learned how long they knew each other and how they met.

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  16. I really hope Carlin gets engaged soon!

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    1. I hope Carlin and Evan get engaged when THEY feel ready, not because they're feeling pressure from their families, friends, or fans to rush to the altar to either fulfill social expectations or provide a story-line for the show.

      But the Bates show has smartly stayed away from focusing ONLY on courtship/marriage/babies and also has episodes showing the whole family including singles and littles, so hopefully that doesn't happen.

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    2. From the episodes, Carlin is the one ready to marry and her parents are trying to get her to slow down. Gil keeps repeating that she is just a kid or so many have gotten married in a short amount of time while she quietly plans a marriage timeline with Evan.

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  17. When has Carlin disrespect Kelly or Gil? It's very clear that the Bates support jobs in a trade field. We never heard about Brandon's job and Evan was working in a Hospital. We will have to agree to disagree on the fact someone maturity is due to employment. I think Carlin gets a bad reptuation for being outgoing. She's in a middle between Tori and Josie who's much quieter than her.

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    1. Some people (not me) thought Carlin was disrespectful when she teased her parents for being old on the most recent episode.

      I think Brandon works for IBLP using his graphic design skills, but I can understand why the TV show didn't want to give the group free publicity by mentioning them. But all references to "Chicago" during the Couples Dinner were definitely about IBLP events.

      As for Evan, it was posted recently on this blog that he is training to be an electrician. He might still be in the family singing group, too. Carlin is studying for a degree in music, though I do recall she said she planned to use the degree for ministry, so she might not have any plan to get a job with it.

      But that's not really wrong, IMO, or a reason not to marry. While many Bates women (Whitney, Erin, Alyssa, Michaela) have an income outside the show, I get the feeling they are all prioritizing family. But they also won't be totally lost if something unexpected happens to their husbands, which is prudent.

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