"I know for us, we realize that you never really know what people are going through until you experience it yourself."
-Whitney Bates
After receiving the devastating news of their miscarriage, Zach and Whitney Bates are visited by Erin and Chad Paine, who have also experienced the pain of losing a baby. Below is a sneak peek at tomorrow's new episode of Bringing Up Bates.
Photo/video courtesy of UPtv
So sorry for your loss Whitney and Zach. I know it happened several months ago already, so the rawest hurt will be over, but there’s still times it hits. We have lost at least 5 pregnancies, with 3 of them being 4 1/2 months along. The first one was 21 years ago, and some days still very real. It was extremely difficult but we can thank God for seeing us through! We now have 4 healthy children ranging in ages from 7-15.
ReplyDeleteSome people might tell you, ‘Oh you’ll have another!’ I found that really hurtful. I know they didn’t mean it that way. It just was something they said because they didn’t know what else to say as they hadn’t been through it. But whether or not you have another baby, that baby will never replace the one you lost. It will lessen the hurt, but you will always remember the one you lost, as each baby is it’s own little being made by God in his image! Such a precious thought! Now you are the parents of a little angel in heaven!
Someone gave us a wall hanging with the following words of song that have helped me through those tough times:
Jesus has taken a beautiful bud,
Out of our garden of love,
Borne it away to the city of God,
Home of the angels above.
Full blooming flowers alone will not do,
Some must be young and ungrown;
So the frail buds He is gathering too,
Beautiful gems of His throne.
Fathers and mothers, weep not or be sad,
Still on the Saviour rely;
You shall behold them again, and be glad,
Beautiful flowers on high.
Blooming in beauty in Heaven are they,
Blooming for you and for me;
Follow the Lord, tho’ the city be far,
Till our bright blossoms we see.
Gathering buds, gathering buds,
Wonderful care will be giv’n,
Jesus is gathering, day after day,
Buds for the palace of Heav’n.
That poem is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.
DeleteI'm so sorry. This is so hard, and I still think of the 2 babies I lost through miscarriage. Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMiscarriage is a very sad time. I didn't learn just how many women had had a miscarriage until I had mine, and then they shared their stories, and that was comforting to know that it wasn't just me, or my body letting me down. Some people did say crazy things though, such as one good friend that said she'd never have a miscarriage because she takes SUCH good care of herself, which made me feel that she was implying that I didn't take good care of MYSELF. But, I think she just didn't know what to say, and perhaps she regretted it later.
ReplyDeleteBut please know Whitney that it was nothing that you did, nothing that you didn't do, it was not your fault. God just had a different plan. I pray that you're healing, with God's help.
I am so sorry your friend said that to you, that was cruel even if she didn't mean it. She seems to not understand miscarriages are rarely related to health of the mother. My husband and I suffer from infertility and people often don't find the write words to express sympathy. But if someone claimed I can't have children because I don't take care of myself I'd be furious.
DeleteMiscarriages mostly cannot be controlled by what the mother does or doesn't do or what she thinks. It sounds to me your friend in order to control her own fears made this naive, insensitive and incorrect comment.
DeleteI sympathize with any woman suffering through a miscarriage. I’ve had 7 in the past 7 years. It is a very difficult experience to walk through, but praise God for His gift of joy, which isn’t dependent upon circumstances. God bless you all.
ReplyDelete-Hayley
Just wanted to send you some gentle hugs. I lost 14 babies over a 10 year period. We were lucky enough to hve one child. Just know there are some of us who understand your loss ans heartbreak
DeleteHayley I admire your strength. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you are blessed with a health child soon.
DeleteThoughts and prayers
ReplyDeleteI AM SOOOO, SORRY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! WHITNEY I LOVE THE WOMAN WHO U BECAME, KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!! I told this to another couple, they said it helped them lots!!! It is to have a funeral, with just U and Zach, to, just have a time for U 2, so U 2 can greave, in private, and cling together. Take care, and I mean it TAKE CARE!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you for your kind and thoughtful comment shared from your experience of loss. May you continue to find God’s comfort as you go from day to day ever mindful of living to meet them someday in Heaven.
ReplyDeleteI know this didn't just happen. But I suffered our 3rd loss on 15 October 2018 and their are times the grief still sneaks in. I look to God and my husband for comfort. I'm praying for you all and your sweet family.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry.
DeleteThat's a good gesture to plant the tree. And true most people don't get it til they experience it
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Sara your words are so sweet, kind and loving. Bless that of you ladies.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Zach regarding the over the top courtship, and engagement
ReplyDeletePlanning and Parent involvement. It’s apparent it is done for the “ show” and is not in reality something they would do without the cameras..way too costly.
Time to get real again.
When did he say that?
DeleteOf course, though, since they are on a show, the production wants to do things that they think the public would enjoy. More views, more revenue.
Zach mentioned it in comment about callie' future partner will have to go to Mars to propose! 😂😂
DeleteI'm so sorry Zach and Whitney. Our son and his wife lost tgeir identical twins December 5th. Theywere 15 weeks 6 days. They would have been born May 23rd.
ReplyDelete20% of women report a miscarriage. That means there are even more. Good for Whitney for saying it publicly. Definitely not talked about much, even in many families, yet such a common experience of grief and loss. Good to be more and more open about it.
ReplyDeleteI have never needed to look into the background of any social media for this show. While we are not all Christian that watch this show;I had to find a place to comment about how much we love you and only wish the best for you. Take care of yourselves. But be sure to spend some alone time for you or with your wonderful nuclear family. In our house it started at having something to look forward to. Then we went to having a good thing to do something fun for the day; when my father got ill. Now that I have to make fun work and work on life as good moments of the the day I have to find a moment to laugh or feel free watching your show. My mother always asks,"Do we have something fun to watch tonight like the bates?"
ReplyDeleteEven though you're family is filmed,that is no reason to go away right now. When friends came to talk to my father, as he was on his sick bed, my brother and I became bouncers and told people when they needed to go.
Sometimes to much is to much.
As we say in our family we are sending our love through the air.
As someone who has miscarried and lost my son when he was a week old (chromosome disorder) I have to say...babies dying is never part of God’s plan. Death is a result of living in a broken world. God doesn’t “need another angel” (which is dumb...angels and humans aren’t even the same thing) and this isn’t some elaborate plan. Death is an enemy, an intrusion that Jesus defeated because God’s original intention and his final plan is for his creation to have eternal life! I believe God can and does allow bad things to happen. I don’t know why some people get miracles and others don’t. But I trust that God is good and when living on this side of heaven brings grief and suffering I know my God is sitting in the midst of that holding us through the pain and helping us cling to his promise that one day all will be restored.
ReplyDeleteLove this. I'm sorry for your losses.
DeleteI fully agree with that. I remember when my mom had her first miscarriage and someone said to me “God needed the baby more than we did for His “garden” ” (which is the dumbest thing to say to a kid who was looking forward to having another baby brother) And that made me think that He had MADE the baby die so it could be with him, which let to many angry feelings, etc, until I talked to some smarter adults about it.
DeleteI'm sorry for your losses, but what you mean that death is the result of living in a broken world?
Delete9:17: God’s original plan for humanity did not include sickness, disease, or death. Those are all the result of sin being a part of our world. I’m not saying MY sin caused my son’s death. That would be like saying I can control or stop death by what I do which isn’t true at all. The presence of sin is the reason death exists at all. If you think of evil as waging a war against creation then innocent people dying would be considered casualties of war. Jesus died and was resurrected to defeat death which is why the Bible says “death has lost its sting”. When Jesus comes again everything will be restored to what God originally planned. The world will no longer be broken and death, disease, sickness will no longer be a part of that world.
Delete7:54- Well, God is certainly taking his sweet time about restoring the world to his eutopia. No one ever asked to be born, let alone suffer because of it. He's got some explaining to do.
Delete10:58 -- Respectfully -- We're all suffering in some way, but the God of the Universe -- the great I AM -- doesn't owe anyone an explanation for anything.
DeleteSara thank you for such wonderful post. It's been 30 years since the last of my 9 miscarriages. Even with two living children and 5 grandchildren, it still hurts at times. I had always wanted 12 kids. Just a few months ago it struck me like lightening out of the blue. I wasn't even thinking about my little ones. I DID have 11 children, just some are waiting for me in Heaven!!! All the weight I didn't know I was carried lifted. My heart sang with love. I still don't know why it didn't hit me that way before, I always knew they were in heaven, but this, this was a gift of God! Now I actually think of my babies with anticipation instead of just grief. May all of those whose babies are waiting on them in Heaven be blessed with God's grace and anticipation.....
ReplyDeleteWhat a glorious homecoming you'll have in heaven some day!
DeleteZach and Whitney, LOVE watching your show! Know that I completely understand what you're going through. My husband and I lost our first one 17 years ago in January 16. It's not a day I don't think about it. My family gave me Willow angels as a memorial. It is a great feeling knowing you will see them again! Continue to lean on God and He will help you get through it. My prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHow far along was Whitney when she lost this baby? No mention of this. Was her pregnancy confirmed by an OB/GYN or did she suspect that she was expecting and merely 'late'?
ReplyDeleteWe don't need to know details. It's heartbreaking regardless.
DeleteI doubt she would have made an announcement at her wedding vow renewal if she didn't take a test first.
DeleteShe already has two kids. I am sure she knows when she is pregnant.
DeleteNo asking for details here of Whitney's loss, just a basic question or two.....how far along was she and was this confirmed by a doctor? These are not intrusive inquiries IMO.
ReplyDeleteAsking if she was confirmed by a doctor is VERY intrusive!!! It’s like doubting that she knows how to figure out if she’s pregnant or not!!
DeleteSO out of place period, never mind when she’s already experienced 2 pregnancies and therefore should totally know how to know! As well as how extremely hurtful it is, when she’s grieving the loss of a precious little baby!!!!! 😢
And as far as how far along she was, some don’t feel like talking about it, especially not to a bunch of strangers like us on this blog. A loss is a loss, no matter if you were 6 1/2 weeks along or 19 1/2 weeks along. And I have experienced both. Yes, the 19 1/2 week ones were more difficult in many ways, but we were super distraught by the 6 1/2 week one as well, as I had about the strongest pregnancy symptoms ever (had 6 previous pregnancies with only 2 that survived) and we were SO looking forward to another baby! And when we got pregnant again just 2 months later, we literally didn’t know if we dared get excited about it, cuz what if we lost this one too! Thank God we didn’t!
Oh my these comments are truly heartfelt and my prayers go out to all of you and you to Whitney and Zach
ReplyDelete