"In front of the kids, I always tried to make it a choice to be positive because I strongly believe that your perspective really rubs off on others."
-Kelly Bates
Now that Bringing Up Bates is off the air, fans don't have the opportunity to hear from the very encouraging Gil and Kelly Bates as often as they used to, so some of the Bates kids have used their online platforms to allow viewers this privilege.
In early March, parents-to-be Trace and Lydia asked the parents of 19 to share the story of how they ended up with such a large family. Erin recently sat down for interviews with her mom and mother-in-law. She uploaded her chat with Chad's mom last month and just shared her conversation with Kelly (link below).
They spent 10 minutes just saying "Be positive!" What about mothers who are depressed, or have genuine problems they need to discuss? If a kid senses his mother is sad, but she plasters on a fake smile, that will just confuse him. Honesty is key!
ReplyDeleteWell, if you believe that God wants us to cast our cares on Him and pray for what we need with thankfulness, and practice that, then God promises peace that passes understanding. That's all in the Bible. It doesn't mean it's easy or that we always remember to do that right away. It's a spiritual discipline that takes practice. But choosing that instead of worrying or pessimistic thoughts is very healthy for mind, body, and soul.
Delete@4:52 It sounds like you're implying that depression is a character flaw and something one "chooses". Nothing could be further from the truth. It's an illness that cannot be prayed or disciplined away.
Delete@4:52 That's not how clinical depression works. You don't "choose" not to worry or have pessimistic thoughts. You don't pray it away.
Delete4:52 You don't need to read the Bible if you want to tell yourself not to worry or to be pessimistic. That is, if you're actually able to do something about what's worrying you and then you do it. If it's out of your control, then you have every right to be miserable. I don't like it when someone pretends to be happy when rotten things are happening. It's fake.
Delete4:58 and 9:11, I never mentioned "clinical depression."
DeleteWhat you choose to dwell on in your mind has a huge impact on your health. It doesn't mean you don't acknowledge you have problems or seek counsel. But it doesn't mean you always have to be thinking about your problems or even about yourself.
DeleteWe have an enemy who wants to keep us negative, pessimistic, down on ourselves, despairing. The Bible has so much truth to soak our minds in, that it really can be transforming. The Bible talks about fighting off the fiery darts of Satan with, among other things, truth and the Word of God. Some people need medical help, yes, but I've seen how faith in God's promises, praising God, and choosing to fight Satan's lies with truth have transformed my discouragement and feeling defeated with a particularly awful situation I can't do anything about. My mental and emotional state directly reflect when I'm believing the lies or when I'm focusing on God's Word.
Delete@7:44 I don't have an enemy that does that.
Delete12:54, sure you do. He's the father of lies, and he's deceived you into thinking he's not real.
Delete@5:16 I much prefer non-fiction and have never been partial to fairy tales or myths.
Delete9:13, you have no proof that God and Satan are not real.
DeleteCan I just come sit and talk to Mrs. Kelly!? Seriously, I’d love for y’all to do a regular podcast! Both of y’all are full of encouragement, wisdom, ideas, and godly advice! All about homeschooling, raising kids, being a wife, all the things!
ReplyDeleteThe interview was very positive; but I’d be interested to know how mothering went when Gil was on stressful jobs (was she ever overcome with worry when the father and sole breadwinner was hundred feet up in a tree???), children were stubborn about completing school work, sick children and she being pregnant, financial struggles-was she finding smiles and encouraging words through these type of moments?
ReplyDeleteI think her "Pollyana" game of always being "positive" is pretty unrealistic. If your kids never see anything but sunshine and roses they don't have a very good understanding of what life is really like. It's OK to be worried, tired and discouraged at times and you don't need to radiate happiness and positive vibes all the time.
DeleteVery true, 2:45. Very true.
DeleteShe may not want to show her true feelings around her kids, especially her younger children. She might keep them to herself and let her feelings out in private as to protect her younger children.
Delete@6:42 To me, keeping your true feelings to yourself is akin to lying to your children, or to anyone else.
DeleteIf Kelly was being honest during this interview; then maybe she has forgotten some of the times that challenged her. With 19 kids and being pregnant and just delivering a baby each of those times; there had to be moments that weren’t so rosy!!! After all, she is human!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE U BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! U ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U A MILLION, LOL!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI think she's had too much sugar in her coffee. This "Praise God the roof is leaking and the dryer just conked out" attitude is not real and the kids need to see that parents have problems and get discouraged at times.
ReplyDeleteThe kids do see problems,but they see there are positive ways to react to them,for example the once you mentioned, close the room that's leaking while roof gets fixed and dry clothing in an alternative way until dryer gets fixed,they don't see shouting and giving hassle as a solution to any problems,they have shown problems on the show,for example health scare with baby Jeb,and fire scare with two younger boys playing with matches,but they handled them as positive as they can ,the boys still got a telling off and a talk about being responsible with matches but they believe in resolving problems calmly, which is a good way to go about it,I knew an elderly lady who had nine children and her own children said she handled problems calmly never lost her temper,in fact she was such a sweet old lady,her children are blessed,and I'll say the same about lovely Kelly,but not old,lol.
Delete@1:27 No one can know anything about what happens in any family once the cameras are off.
DeleteI really enjoyed watching this interview. Thank you both for being encouraging and for pointing to the word of God for the answers.
ReplyDeleteI watched this YouTube and it's the same old questions over and over again. I would like Erin to ask her mother how Kelly and Gil felt about having to ask their sons for their money to pay for groceries week after week because they were broke and could not afford to feed their family? I would think this is a failure on their part. Kelly seemed to be clueless on how to use birth control and she was a chemistry major in a real college? Doesn't add up to me. God can bless a couple with a few children over and over again if He wishes, you don't have to continually procreate to receive blessings from the Almighty. Ask the hard questions and please, Kelly, don't go on and on with your answers.
ReplyDeleteYeah. If someone can't earn enough money to support their family and have to have their kids help pay for food there's a disconnect with reality. Most of us don't have more children than WE can support without outside assistance.
DeleteThere was a point in my teenage years when my dad asked me for some of my babysitting money. I’m sure it was humbling for him. I remember being sad for my parents. Never would I bring that up and cause him pain. It seems mean spirited to ask Erin to embarrass and humble her mother.
DeleteAgree 100%! It’s wonderful that they trusted God; but were they ever overwhelmed, stressed, scared when the number of children began reaching the teen numbers??? Was there ever a conversation about Kelly’s health, feed/caring well for them (Pre Duggar), education plans, Gil’s business model (and did he carry enough insurance) and why has Gil stayed with the IBLP???
DeleteHaving more children than you can afford to feed is irresponsibility, no other way about it.
DeleteI've always gotten the feeling with these megafamilies that having kid after kid after kid is a way of trying to fill a need. It's not about each child and how well they will be raised, like most parents consider before having a child. Instead, it's a need for attention, or a need for a feeling of self-worth, or a need to fix some other deep-seated problem by adding more more more. I'm wondering if Kelly never felt loved as a child and tried to fix that by having tons of kids she thought would all love her. Whatever the case, megafamily parents walk dangerously close to the land of selfishness.
DeleteI suspect their lives (and parenting) would have been radically different if the Duggars hadn't gotten them a TV contract.
ReplyDeleteI always thought the Bates and Duggars were having a competition to see who could have the most babies. Still going on as far as I can tell.
DeleteTo fake ,nobody is like that.. All families have issues. Agree with other comments about Kelly being to sweet
ReplyDeleteI know. No one can be "positive" all the time. Life has its ups and downs and people have emotions based on what's going on. Reminds me of Michelle's fake sweet voice.
DeleteSo thankful for you Ms. Kelly you've had such an impact on me as a young (ish) :) mom of four and wife and striving to be positive and CHOOSE JOY! Its a discipline and surrender to the Lord! Love to you :)
ReplyDeleteI don't understand statement like "surrender to the Lord." What exactly are you surrendering, and why can't you deal with it yourself? Are things so bad that you gave up and expect some unseen entity to fix things? Have you decided not to deal with things any more and emotionally shut down by saying the Lord will take care of it, end of story? I really don't understand this kind of thinking. Not being sarcastic. I just don't get it.
DeleteWell choosing joy and surrendering to Jesus sounds nice but I've noticed that the only time anything is accomplished is when PEOPLE do the needed work.
DeleteI think it means to take God as your savior and reject satan.
DeleteI think it means pretending that you're meek and then everything that happens in your life is not your fault, it's "God's plan" for you.
DeleteKelly looks unhealthy. Is she OK?
ReplyDelete12:58 NO, SHE IS HEALTHY, AND SHE LOOKS TO ME FITTER, SHE LOST LOADS OF WEIGHT, SHE HAD SURGERY, FOR HER HEARTBURN PROBLEM, NOW SHE TO ME, NEVER LOOKED, SO HEALTHY, HER RED FACE I BET, IT WAS HOT, THAT DAY, SO HER FACE IS RED. SHE IS WEARING A BIG SWEATER!!!!! KELLY IS MY #1 BATES!!!!!!!!
DeleteThis was a great uplifting and encouraging video. Kelly spoke plenty of wisdom and didn't say or do anything to warrant any criticism. There's nothing in the Bible or even common sense that would condemn her for her words and telling of her actions in this video. She WAS honest and I didn't see how she rose colored anything. She's right: attitude of gratitude over complaining. Yes we have bad days but we shouldn't wallow in them but choose to overcome the difficulties calling upon Jesus for strength. There's nothing wrong with that. Furthermore having lots of children is NOT selfish. Far from it. Parenthood is all about sacrifice. Selfishness and motherhood do NOT go well together. Selfish is working kids into personal schedules when it doesn't cut into "me time" or career/college. You know when it's convenient. Lastly I don't know where people get the idea that she and Gil had to borrow money from adult sons for food but if they did I am here to say that you don't have to have 19 kids to struggle with the food budget. My parents had a grand total of TWO kids and relied on mom's sister and brother for food and food coupons for a number of years. People with no kids to lots of kids can struggle with finances and there's no shame in asking for help. It's humbling but it's better then holding onto pride and starving. My sibling and I had a happy childhood despite our poverty. It drew our family closer together. Overall Kelly is an awesome example to women everywhere.
ReplyDeleteYou just proved the point - your parents didn't try to have 19 kids. They stopped at 2 because they knew they couldn't support more.
DeleteWrong. They never stopped. They rarely if ever used birth control. 3 miscarriages before my sis and I were born. We were twins. In the middle of our poverty my mom got pregnant with her last child. my dear brother. How could we live life without him? Mom was 40 years old. It had been 11 years since the last time she'd gotten pregnant which was with us and that was after 8 years of trying. God gave my parents three children. Finances was NEVER a factor in having kids. NEVER!
DeleteHEY I FEEL LIKE A TOOL, I THOUGHT I WISH WONDER KELLY HAPPY MOTHER DAY!!!!! SORRY, KELLY TO ME IS A AMAZING, STRONG, SMART, AND THE MOST COZY MUM AROUND!!!!!!! (I AM ENGLISH )
ReplyDeleteStriving to have a positive outlook on life and sharing that positivity to encourage others isn't fake - it's a choice. And while not many are as intentional in making the choice as Kelly Jo, we all choose, all day every day, whether aware of it or subconsciously, through what lens we're going to view the world, and our actions and words will be reflective of that. And again, beign intentional doesn't mean it's contrived; we don't have to go around acting like our basest selves to still be genuine and authentic.
ReplyDeleteAnd what an absolutely lovely photo of Kelly Jo! She's radiant and looks so happy. : )
I have just watch old shows from your families show and your comments about show appreciation and love starts when they are young and you were right then and right now. You have a wonderful family.
ReplyDelete