Today is Alyssa Webster's 30th birthday! She is Gil and Kelly Bates' sixth child. To celebrate, Alyssa sat down for 30 minutes to answer 30 questions about herself (video link below). Among other topics, she talks about the first time she wore pants, the story of her first kiss with John, and a recent conversation that she and John had about possibly having a sixth child. Happy birthday, Alyssa!
Alyssa Webster: Answering 30 Questions on My 30th Birthday
Happy Birthday
ReplyDeleteI can't believe "the first time I wore pants" is even a thing. What kind of people put such emphasis on a certain cut of clothes? What kind of parents make their kids carry anxiety about pants into adulthood? When have you ever heard at a funeral, "Gee, she was such a nice lady. So giving to others in her community. Too bad she wore pants." You don't, because good people focus on what's on the inside of someone, not on the outside. Do the Bates really believe that wearing skirts makes them better women? If so, what does that say about them and how perfect they think they are?
ReplyDeleteFor me pants versus skirts is a gender distinction thing. When i studied Deuteronomy 22:5 that's what i walked away with. I think it's telling me pants pertain to men so its an abomination for me as a biological woman to wear pants. That's the conclusion i came to and if i believe being skirts and dresses only pleases God and makes me a better Christian that's my privilege. P.S. i don't think the Bates women who wear only skirts think they think they're perfect for wearing what they do. They simply believe that's what God wants.
Delete@1:12 The Bible teaches that only God looketh on the heart, i.e. the inside, but man looketh on the outside. The bible also teaches that's what on the inside, what's on the heart will come out. Ever since i began to dabble in the fashion world, I've learned that the clothes we wear personifies who we are. Clothes are the symbols of our beliefs. We literally wear our hearts on our sleeves. Another thing I've learned is that a lot of people judge others by the clothes they wear. It's happened to me so any times. For example: I'm not a dress person, but i wanted more variety in my wardrobe so i found a Simplicity dress pattern and made it. It didn't take me long to realize that people think I'm Mennonite when i wear it. (and that irritated me so i don't wear it in public anymore because i am NOT Mennonite) I found out that clothes and religion go hand in hand. historically dresses/skirts used to be the only thing women wore for thousands of years, but the last one hundred years it has become a religious statement. For the Bates women who wear only skirts, it is a statement of who they are religiously. For me, what i wear declares my belief system.
Delete@1:12 The Bates believe in the doctrine of "separation from the world" and for women that's pretty easy to do not only in clothes but homemaking and how many kids to have etc. I understand that mindset. Its a teaching in the Bible. Some say its hard to figure out what is "separate from the world', but i think its pretty easy. The prophet Jeremiah told God's people to "not learn the way of the heathen". Well then if something originated in heathenism then its of the world and don't do it. that's why i don't celebrate Halloween. It came from the pagan festival Samhain. As far as pants on women go, it did not originate in the church. In America, go to Hollywood of the 1920s. Churches of the day condemned the fashions of Hollywood during the 20s. That's just historical fact. People have to make their own decisions on that one. All I'm gonna say on the subject for me personally is, i think its one or the other. Either pants on women are okay or they're not. I don't think its a gray area. That's my opinion.
DeleteHow come when Christians have modesty standards, they are ridiculed, but when other religions have modesty standards no one is as quick to criticize?
DeleteGood point @11:34. Why is that? Really good question. Muslim women or Amish or even Mennonite women don't get picked on as much as women like the Bates and Duggars. So what's the difference? I would sooner call Muslim, Amish and Mennonite standards of dress as extremism before I would ever say Kelly Jo's or Michelle's standards were extreme. To be honest, i think their standards are pretty temperate compared to the other religions so why do they get ridiculed so much?
DeleteYes @5:02 it has become a religious statement. I have found that out personally. I wore pants and shorts in my littler years, but gradually i became skirts and dresses only (Yes @5:13 i came to view it as "separation from the world"). Over the years when people have come up to me and asked "what religion are you?" the impetus for the question was always the fact that i was wearing a skirt. I have a young cousin who converted to Christianity in her teen years and she asked me how i got people to ask me about my faith. She wanted to tell people about Jesus but didn't want to be the instigator feeling that that was too pushy. I simply told her my past experiences. She came back to me later and said, "it worked!" I don't know for sure if she is skirts only, but I personally haven't seen her in pants for years now. Except for that one time we have never talked about dress standards. She made her own decision on that for herself as i did for myself years ago. Yes @11:34 I have been ridiculed for it. Its sad and frustrating especially when i have never said anything negative about pants to anyone who wears them!
DeleteI'll tell you why @11:34. Its because Christianity is the one true religion and all others are false. So when Christians have standards they are attacked. It makes no sense for people with false beliefs to attack other false beliefs. They'll only attack anything attached to the true belief: Christianity. Just about anything a Christian does is gonna get criticized.
Delete@1:12 the skirt wearing Bates women do NOT think they're perfect. If they did they'd be arrogant and condescending. They are humble women who have never come across as "holier than thou". As for what their standards say about them: I think it says they believe in purity and femininity. My great aunt, who is a Catholic, has been inspired to wear skirts and dresses because of 2 young women who always dress that way. She says they look so ladylike. I don't think the Bates make pants a big deal. I think pants people make skirts only a big deal. They're the ones that complain all the time not women like Kelly Jo or Erin.
DeleteAnon 12:48 I don't consider women who film themselves and their family and post videos on the internet to make money "humble". IMO Christianity would be better served if the Bates women engaged in other more productive things than posting on the internet.
DeleteThe thing about the pants wearing bates women that is disappointing to me is that they seem to have little care or thought for Kelly Jo's or Gil's feelings about pants or shorts. I mean if i were Kelly Jo's daughter and i wore pants, i would not show up at her home wearing pants or shorts nor would i even wear them if i were going on an outing with her. I would respect her feelings on that issue. I do that for my mom. She doesn't like certain jewelry or music so i don't wear or listen to such things when she's around. It's called being polite and trying not to cause offence or hurt feelings. I have a cousin who's aunt is skirts only and my cousin wears skirts when she visits her aunt's home. I think that's commendable. it just really bothers me that the Bates girls don't seem to have that kind of consideration for their mom.
Delete@12:54pm So right! Get away from the camera and get out there helping others. Work at a food bank. Build affordable housing. Teach ESL. Volunteer at the animal shelter. Distribute clothes to school children. Cook at a free kitchen. Do Meals On Wheels runs. So many other ways to make the world a better place than to show everyone your house and your kids all the time. You'd think good Christian people like the Bates would know that without having to be reminded. I think they want the easy money those videos bring and are only thinking of themselves.
DeleteYou are definitely entitled to that opinion @12:54. I have NOT seen any indication of perfectionism in that family. I just think this family posts videos becasue of the their background with the show. If they'd never had the show, they wouldn't have YouTube channels. The show's canceled, they still have fans, they continue to share their lives. Its a mindset, a lifestyle to them becasue of growing up on some show. also they probably think its a good way to show a Christian testimony to a larger audience. Not trying to make excuses for them or even condone what they're doing. I'm just saying there's a reason for what they do. Frankly i don't think being money hungry or proud about who they are are reasons. I've seen people like that. My ex-pastor for instance. The Bates are NOT him!
DeleteIMO any woman that considers wearing pants some sort of major issue is out of thouch with real life.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Some people have real problems.
DeleteHappy Birthday to Alyssa. She’s a great mom and very talented in many ways. I admire her her organizational skills. Being a mom myself, I understand wanting to get back to pre -pregnancy weight, but she looks great.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful comment. Nice to see. I agree,she looks fabulous and happy. Happy Birthday Alyssa! 🎂
DeleteWhen couples in this family start talking about another baby, a pregnancy follows in short order. Oh well, their choice.
ReplyDeleteAlyssa's story about considering another baby bothers me. I mean she considers maybe having another baby then looks at her kids while at a restaurant and goes, "Uh no, i don't know what i was thinking." I mean she just indicated that her kids were a negative thing and not something she wants more of. How does she think her kids would feel about that? I know i didn't appreciate similar sentiments as a child. For me it was the "expensive" remarks. I cost money. I know having kids is not free on the pocketbook, but it made me feel like an inconvenience, guilty about my existence and wanting to move out to relieve my parents of a such a burden. I think parents need to be careful about what kind of sentiments they let out in relation to their kids. I have a friend who blames all sorts of things on her kids. It makes me so upset and i feel sorry for her kids. As an adult now and having studied the Bible, kids are supposed to be viewed as a joy and blessing. Why would a parent not want more joys and more blessings? If i ever have kids, they will not hear such negative remarks from me.
DeleteI don't know how someone like Alyssa can say "I'm done." I mean if her mom had said that at any time who knows how many of the Bates kids would not be here today. I mean Alyssa stops at five and yet she is #6 in her family's line up? How does she reconcile that with her decision to be done with Rhett? I just have a hard time with the "I'm done" thing. I'm not from a large family myself. I have two siblings. But I just think its a very serious thing to decide that someone doesn't get a chance to be conceived and born into the world. The what if factor...I can not reconcile that with "I'm done". The movie "Its a Wonderful Life" really made me think about this. If someone is not born what things remain undone? What things may happen that shouldn't have? I feel that the future is in God's hands and we shouldn't interfere with whatever plans He may have.
Delete1:51 and 1:59. I understand what both of you are saying. 1:59.. We all think I can’t imagine not having whomever is the last baby. But, don’t think it’s fair to compare Alyssa to Kelly Jo; just as I don’t think it’s fair to compare any woman against another woman. I also believe family planning is actually wisdom. Financially and emotionally. 1:51..totally agree with you. Children who hear those words feel responsible for being “the burden”. It’s a bit hypocritical of Alyssa (and John) to use those children as their bread and butter via their YouTube channel and “tease” more children knowing it would bring in a big payday yet complain about them.
Delete@1:51 Not all kids are "joy and blessing." Our jails are full of ones who didn't turn out that way in the end. Don't assume women have super powers to deal perfectly with baby after baby. You haven't even had one baby yet. You'll see the stress that comes with raising children, and then maybe you can understand how others act. Each little bundle of "blessing" comes with unique challenges. It's not all sunshine and happiness. There are dark parts to parenting - if you're doing it right (not ignoring issues) and being realistic when you admit that. Every woman should be allowed to decide how much she can deal with, without judgement from outsiders.
DeleteAnon 1:59. People should not have children because someone else thinks it's a "good idea". The woman having the babies should decide. If Alyssa doesn't want to have more children then she has the right to say "I'm done" without being criticized by others.
DeleteAnon 1:59. Just because Alyssa's mother had 19 children doesn't mean she is required to have more children than she wants to have. There's no such thing as a "right to be conceived" so it's wrong to criticize Alyssa when she says she doesn't want any more children.
DeleteAnon 1:59 Nonsense. God's plans don't rely on women having as many babies as they can. I'm always saddened when I see Bill Gothard's false doctrine being repeated. If Alyssa doesn't want any more children, then she shouldn't have any more. EOS.
DeleteLOLOLOL 1:51, when I was your age and heard kids screaming in a store, I knew MY someday children were NEVER going to act like that! LOLOLOL Instead of criticizing your friend, how about you take her children for the weekend and let your friend, I don't know... Use the bathroom without anyone banging the door down. Take an entire shower without hearing a crash and a cry. Sit on the patio and stare into space until her blood pressure returns to normal...
ReplyDeleteI get so confused with this family. They always say children are a blessing from the Lord and it's His will for how many kids we have what is it really ? THE Lord or yours?
ReplyDelete